Pieces of a puzzle
by Pearlislove
Summary: Pearl is a puzzle, built of piece that Steven is more than happy to help her carry (Part 2 of my series explorign the gems relations to Steven, Pearls POV)


**A/N:**

 **Sooo this is Part 2 in my series of fanfics exploring the gems relationships to Steven from the gems POV, this time Pearls. For the first part of the eries, written in Garnet's POV, please go look up the story I'm a watcher on my page.**

I'm the best at mothering Steven, I know that. Amethyst, Garnet and Greg know that, too. Because despite what others might think, Amethyst's witty insulting names like 'mother hen' and 'bird mom', actually have a speech of undeniable truth behind it (though if you ask her Amethyst will deny it until the day she dies).

Of course, the others was always a little weary to let Steven be around me, in the beginning, something that slowly disappear over time, but still… to a beginning they were Probably afraid i'd hurt Steven like I hurt myself in the past (and sometimes present)... Idiots. as if I ever could do that to _Rose's son_ , the very thing she was willing to sacrifice her entire existence for (I got more respect for her than that, even after everything). But, I also understand how and why they feel this way, I really do.

Because those first few years, _I was horrible_.

I was horrible, because I couldn't stand to be around him. Everything about him was just ripping my wounds back open, made me vulnerable and exposed. It wasn't his fault, he just happened to look so _very very_ much like her (first so many years later I'd truly understand how much of _her_ was now truly _his)_ , with dark curls and dark eyes and a laughter that sounded like small bells ringing in his mouth. I loved all this features about him, yes, I _adored_ all of this that was _him_ , yet also _her._ But, no matter how delicate and wonderful it was, those first few years, it was also my undoing. It was my undoing because as much as it was beautiful it was also a reminder of just how much I had lost; of how much we had all lost when Rose died.

Those first few years, I'm now happy that all the others managed to be there for him. In the beginning, I felt betrayed, especially by Amethyst. She had hated Rose's decision to have a baby just as much as me, so how could she suddenly turn the other way when the baby actually appeared. Suddenly, it felt like I was all alone. The only one who had ever been able to see and understand every part of me, was Rose. Then Rose had gone, and all we had been left with was an abomination (that everyone seemed to _adore_ ). I felt alone and abandoned because my closest friend was dead and my other friends couldn't even be rightfully angry about it.

Still today, I'm not sure when it turned around. When i stopped seeing _him_ as a painful reminder of that we had lost _her_. Garnet says it was when Steven was three years old and unfortunately I think i have to agree.

I remember that day, when Steven walked in the door and called for 'mom'. As it turned out, it was Amethyst he wanted to talk to, but at the moment she had been equally surprised. Steven had never called anyone of us mom before. That it was Amethyst, of all gems, that would be the first to recover this honorary nickname, was surprising, but also logical. Of all of us,she was closest to the three year old boy. Since the day he was born, the majority of my interactions with him had been demanded by Garnet, and carried out as such.

 _Amethyst,_ on the other hand, never had to be ordered. She spent most of her those first few years time away from the temple (and away from me), helping Greg look out for the kid and providing the both of them with everything and anything. It was also Amethyst's friend, Vidalia, that in the end ended up being their life-line. With her earlier connections to Amethyst, and her own sticky predicament (being as single mom with a father who didn't know he had a kid was apparently quite hard on her), she was very sympathetic to the situation.

Whenever Greg and Amethyst needed it, she'd offer to babysit and take care of Steven together with her son Sour Creme. The whole thing worked out well, Vidalia was nice, and I always found it tragic that they later drifted apart…

But with all this evidence, it was of course Amethyst would be the first to hear him call her 'mom'. Of course she seemed the most maternal of us all (though it was later proved not to be the case). Yet still… it bothered me. A lot. More than i'll ever admit to neither Amethyst, Garnet nore Steven.

Because hearing Amethyst being called Mom awoke my own maternal instincts and a longing i never knew existed. It made me _wish_ for him to calm me that too. But most of all, it made me want to protect him. When he shouted for his mom, he sounded so innocent and looked so fragile and exposed, I could feel my chest tightening as the familiar anxiety started to rise. He was a three -almost four year old boy who was honest to everyone and wore his heart on his sleeves. He was bound to get hurt, i knew, but I didn't want him to. he needed to be protected

And for that, I couldn't and wouldn't rely on _Amethyst_. Not only because I didn't consider her responsible in the slightest (though over the years that would probably change she knew), but because it was a mission that called for me so strongly i couldn't resist it, not in favour of hating the most innocent creature i had ever laid my eyes on.

Because as terrifying as it was, I had started to let go. I had started to move from past to present and began to heal. All because of our beloved little Steven.

Of course there was many things he could not and would never fix, like the fact that I hated the Autumn, when the crunchy of leaves beneath my feet so easily transported me back to battlefields of old, or the fact that I could never bring myself to eat anything, no matter how much he wished for me to try something.

But still, he fixed all the important stuff inside me. It's like a puzzle, where some of the åpieces are missing. You can put together what you have and then there's nothing more to do, until you find the missing pieces...except no one was ever going to find the missing pieces of me, because they're shattered across the universe, carried by different people through life and death.

But, it doesn't matter that some pieces are missing, when i have my Steven to help me carry the pieces I have left, looking after them so I won't ever have to loose anymore...and who knows? Maybe, one day, I can regain the piece I've lost.


End file.
